Tips to handle domestic violence

Domestic violence or abusive relation can never be tolerated. Either you can decide to break free from such relation or stay back without uttering a word. If you find yourself stuck in such a condition, seek help from various help lines and NGOs.

Report such incidents to your family and friends and do not try to hide such phenomenon. It is a common practice for the bullies to make his or her partner feel inferior, inadequate and frightful of him or her. If you are getting physically abused and not raising your finger then do understand that you are brain washed and have lost your self respect. Before things turn from bad to worse, plan your escape from the relation.

If you have made up your mind about leaving the abusive partner behind then do not disclose your plans before hand, not even while you are arguing. Your partner will only become alert about your intentions and can put up effective measures to make your leaving impossible. Try to behave as normal as possible and do not let him or her understand that anything is amiss. This will make things easier for you.

Start planning for the move from a considerable time ahead. Move all your important documents, files and bank documents out of the house and to a safe place. Plan where you can move to and safely stay for a few days. Decide the best time to leave the house. The best time is when your partner is not at home and you generally do not get a visitor. It is best if you leave the house in secrecy. Put aside some money to carry on yourself at the time you decide to leave the house. Carry a cell phone as well.

It is a good idea to have friends or relatives accompany you while you are leaving the house. This is important as they can put up a buffer in case your bullying partner returns unexpectedly while you are leaving. Presence of others in the vicinity restrains the violence. You can also notify the police in case if thing starts to get out of control. The report of abuse helps to put a restraining order in your partner and you get the much required time in hand to be easily out of the premises.

Make sure to change your cell number once you are away from the abuser. There should not be any contacting back. Do not leave a clue behind, from which he or she can trace your whereabouts. Make sure not to put up at your relative or friend’s place. As this are probable destinations, your partner is sure to visit the places in your search. Avoiding all contacts help you to get rid of the scars of the traumatic abusive incidents and to heal mentally and emotionally.

Another useful tip is to establish a code word for emergencies. Things might get ugly and need not go as planned. You might need to call for help but obviously cannot spell it out clearly in front of the bully. Maybe you can use ‘Red Umbrella’ or something like it as your code word for urgency. Tell your friends, relatives and colleagues about it and educate them about what is to be done once they get a call from you stating the code. This maneuver lets you call from the presence of the bully without making him or her understand what was actually conveyed by you over the phone. It is a smart move that is worth keeping as the plan to fall back on if things go wrong.

You can use the car to leave the house. However, if your abuser spots you and starts following you sensing something is wrong. Whatever you do, do not stop and step down from the car. If he or she gives you a chase, simply drive to the nearest police station and keep pressing the horn of your car until a cop comes out. Generally this scares the abuser away or if he or she is adamant enough to stay back, gets arrested by the cop. This will give you enough time to get away from the abuser.

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