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Dormant water lily

Say it’s been caused
Just by my chaotic adolescent inside
May it end when I’m fully-grown
Too blind to discern what I feel
So vulnerable that I myself can’t touch
Naïveté confused your amicable eyes
With awakening of my spring
Fragility mistook warmth of your hands
For beater of my heart
Loneliness from immaturity tricked me
Mixing sweet sense of guilt
Into pleasure of friendship

Respect toward your virtue
That I can never have
And mutual comfort don’t let me leave you
Having both contradict feelings
Wish to understand more about you
Afraid of knowing too much
‘Cause you’ll realize my artless guilt
If my gaze seems to be intense
Take it just as a joke from familiarity
It can be my concern for your sensitivity
From your profound kindness

And loneliness urges me
To make sure of your existence
‘Cause you are so pure
That you look like an illusion
That I’m chasing in my inner world
Warmth of your hands, it’s so hollow
All the better for its certainness
One tranquil night tricked me,
That I dreamt my whole skin felt warmth
Of your whole body and beat of heart
Does a dream reflect my inside?
Dream analyses; say it’s not an abnormal lust

Just my ignorance prevents me
From distinguishing kinds of affection
Often lost by my rational press
Denying such a tendency of mine
Despising myself who is intoxicated
With my own unhappiness
Blessing myself who can see sweet things
That can’t be seen from many of the same sex
As your dormant visage like a water lily
An illusion given from the slumbering night

~yully