I'm so confused. I don't know what to do. Help?

11 years ago

Okay, so I've known this guy for almost three years since I started high school. We go to this extra-curricular activity twice a week, if not more. Two months after I've met him, I started to like him--- a lot and I didn't know why. There was something about him that made him seem so special.

My best friend tells me that I should talk to him but because of my demure characteristic, I was too shy to even approach him. There would be times where I would be brave enough to go up to him and try to talk to him but most of the time, I would just talk to him over the internet. Somehow, he figured that I liked him when we were chatting through the internet and he said he isn't going to date anyone until he finishes high school. (Funny thing is that I never mentioned dating in our conversation, he just assumes that...)

Since then, it became awkward. Luckily, we had summer break so I never saw him until the coming September. It was all normal again and we would just have small talks... Later that year, he asks me for my phone number because he was my new group leader and every single week, he would call or text me. I was the most happiest girl ever, even over that little thing.

There were times were I got frustrated with him because of his actions, not that they were bad. I looked up at him as a leader and he ruined it by being lazy. It took me awhile to even love the tiny flaws that he had.

Over the summer, we went to the same training camp for different courses. He met a lot of people there, especially this one girl that I kept seeing him around with. I got so jealous, though I've tried not to be. It wasn't like they were together, but seeing them close made me think that way. So I've stopped (tried) liking him. I felt like he lied to me saying that he wasn't going to date anyone, but what I saw at camp didn't support anything that he told me that one time. I said to my best friend "I don't like him anymore." Anger and jealousy overwhelmed me, causing me to hate him as well.

Now, in our third year high school, he was a coach for a team, I am one of his assistants. Things happen, we start talking more even if he wasn't my group leader anymore. I didn't know I would end up coaching along side with him. Then I started rekindling that love that I had for him before. I prayed to God that he will look over my crush and protect him, even if he didn't like me the same way that I did. The scary thing for me is that my best friend is telling me that he keeps looking at me since October. I didn't believe her until last week when I caught him staring at me...

I don't know what to do. My feelings for him are unknown, fluctuating, it's sometimes hard for me to think straight about it. I really like him, or maybe even love but what should I do now with this phenomenon that he's looking at me more often?

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" Love is a thing that is full of cares and fears. "

- Ovid» Love Quotes

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